Q and A for Nick
- What is a liquid wheel?
Oh good, an easy one to start with. It’s a liquid light wheel. The device they used at gigs
in the 60s & 70s to project coloured psychedelic lightshows.
2. What
is Nick Saloman doing for a living? Is it true that he is landlord? Or is he subsidized by his wife?! I can't imagine
that woronzow & the few gigs can produce all the pennies that he needs.
Well, while I feel this a bit of a rude question, I guess it’s kind of fair enough. I don’t make
much money from gigging and from putting other artists out on Woronzow. My own albums do okay, though not enough to make a
decent living, so I also sell antiques and do some record dealing. Landlord? What? No of course not.. I’ve also been paid to compile some albums of rare psych. But I guess the songwriting is the main
source of income at the moment. I get royalties from cover versions and radio/TV broadcasts.
When you add everything together, it more or less makes about as much as I’d earn from an average job. So, although
my wife works hard as a teacher and earns decent money, I don’t think she supports me. Besides whatever we earn separately
is ours together anyway.
3. Since I unfortunately missed a few of the older Bevis Frond albums,
I'm wondering whether there will be any further re-issues
(f. ex. Through The Looking Glass, Acid Jam 1, Bevis & Twink, Ear Song).
I certainly hope so. Rubric in the USA, and Alchemy in the UK have said
they want to put the old albums out, but the record industry is so precariously balanced at the moment, nothing’s ever
sure till it actually happens, and they’ve both been a bit quiet on the re-issue front recently, so I don’t really
know.
4. As I understood that the gig at the Bad Herzberg festival is a one off, are there any touring-plans
for the future?
Yes, it’s a one –off. At the moment there are no touring
plans. Mainly because it seems that the venues don’t want to book us any more, at least in Europe. Our agents used to
contact us about once a year to sort out a tour, but they haven’t spoken to us for over 2 years now, and there is absolutely
no way that I’m going ask them. If they want us, they know where we are.
5. I'd like to know about his own musical tastes. how about top 5 favourite artists without
thinking to hard about it.
Not easy, but I’d say:
Hendrix, Beatles, David Ackles, Patto and The Shadows.
6. if I asked him nicely to come to
Manchester and play an acoustic gig (I have a promoter
friend) would he travel all that way to play to a smaller but more discerning crowd and how much would it cost?
I’d think about it. My daughter’s at University in Manchester, so that would be nice.
Get my e-mail address from Alan, and we’ll talk about it.
7. Who, or what, is the track "The Wrong Side" about?
I usually write about more than just one topic in a song, and this is divided into 3. Each verse
is about something else, but linked by the line ‘you’re looking at the wrong side’ which ties it together
on a thread of misconception. Verse one deals with whether one should barge in and do something they think is right, or excersize
a bit of caution.I guess there are always cases when immediate action is required, but often a measured approach is better.
Verse 2 is really about my own neuroses. I always doubt that people are going to remain loyal, though I am lucky to have a
fantastic group of loyal friends. I’m also touching on how my occasionally blunt sense of humour can be mistaken for
plain nastiness. This is something I’ve tried really hard to modify over recent years. I don’t want to upset anyone
who I don’t want to upset. And verse 3 is uncharacteristically optimistic, though also a bit sarcastic. The city streets
currently couldn’t be less safe, so logically they should improve. And if the doom-mongers are right, the future weather
is certainly going to be warmer. So maybe not that optimistic.
8. I'd
like to know his top 10 or 20 favorite bands.
OK: Hendrix, Beatles, Shadows,
David Ackles, Patto, Savage Resurrection, Mad River, Wipers, Beach Boys, Love, Country Joe, Spirit, Pretty Things, early Caravan,
Johnny Kidd & The Pirates, Kinks, Who, Dave Crosby, Byrds, Clear Light, Rapiers, Joni Mitchell, Robin & Barry Dransfield,
Sandy Denny etc. etc.
9. do you cook? if
so what?
Not
if I can help it
10. what are his top 10 meals?
I like a good curry- a nice Rogan Josh with NO salt. I love Italian antipasti. Fresh salmon. Asparagus. There’s a
great restaurant in Wood Green called Vrisaki that does the best Mezze anywhere.
11. how many pairs of footwear
does he have?
About 4 or 5, plus football trainers & boots
12. what kind of pets does he have now and when he was growing up?
I grew up in
a small flat in Central London, so I never had a dog. Just a hamster & goldfish. My wife’s a cat fan, so we’ve
always had cats since we’ve been together.
13. if he was a tree what kind of tree would he be?
What kind of question is that?
14. what is his greatest hope & fear?
Depends if you’re talking generally or personally. Generally,
I hope that one day people won’t be so greedy, selfish, unkind, aggressive, stupid. I guess I can’t help but subscribe
to the great fears of our age. Nuclear war, disastrous rise in sea levels, that kind of thing. On a personal level, I hope
that my loved ones, family & friends live long healthy, happy lives, and my greatest fear is that they won’t.
15. Whats the lousiest gig BF has ever had to play and
why ?
We’ve only had a few bad ones. There was one in a place called Peine near Hannover in a kind
of barn, where everything went wrong, and I very nearly ended up having a fist fight with one of audience. There was one in
a pub in Coventry, where Andy Ward upset the promoter, and he wanted to cancel the show there and then, even though there
were quite a few people in. Ade & I really had to grovel to him to let us play, which we absolutely hated doing. I honestly
don’t think I’d do that now. I’d probably just leave, but you’ve got to think about the customers,
haven’t you? Oh and one in Hannover when the promoter crammed too many people into a tiny basement and in the crush
that ensued a PA column fell on Dean Carter’s Ovation guitar and smashed it to bits. Bari Watts effects unit had beer
pouted in it, and some girls nearly got trampled to death. We had to stop playing, and pull this one particular girl out from
under the crowd. Horrible. Fortunately most of our gigs have been really good.
16. What's your favorite
guitar amp ?
Strange though it may seem, I have little or no interest in amps and speakers really. I like vintage
set ups, and I hate small amps and speakers, cos they look so shit. Whatever sounds good I suppose. I’ve used my old
Carlsboro Stingray Mark 1 for so long, because it sounds fine to me, so why change?
17. Any chance of Ade fronting a band and touring to
support his solo albums ?
I guess you’d have to ask Ade, but I’m pretty sure the answer would be a resounding
no.
18. Any chance of Ade fronting a band and touring to
support his solo albums ?
As above
19. Who are Nick and Ades favorite fiction writers ?
I can’t speak for Ade, but I like M.R.James,
Truman Capote, Jake Arnott, Anthony Frewin, Geoffrey Household. I used to adore H.P.Lovecraft too. Oh and I quite like John
Buchan, though he’s a bit too fond of hunting and killing evil foreigners.
20. Fender
vs. Gibson? It seems Nick likes Fenders,
if so, why? I prefer Fenders (particularly vintage :) ) because I feel I have more control than w/ Gibsons due to G's
hot pickups...I can crank the amp to get a sweet tone, and w/ Gibsons I get a great distorted tone but not much else, w/ Fenders
I can run the whole range from clean & sparkly to down & dirty
I’d go Fender, basically because I find them easier to play.
21. Does he modify his gear (new or vintage)? I have a 1968 Fender Mustang (may be a world record...it
actually has a straight, unwarped neck), a 1968 Stratocaster, and a 1968 Strat reissue, and I love the old SafetiPost string
posts. Instead of threading the string thru the side of the post, you cut it off about 1 1/2 inches past the post, stick
it down into the post from the top, and tighten. Stays in tune much better, IMHO. What does Nick think?
No, I never modify my gear. A)
I wouldn’t know what to do B) I couldn’t be bothered
C) this is a bit like A, but I’d be worried I’d damage them irrepairably.
22. What is a New River Head?
It’s a place in London. In the 17th century, it was decided that London
needed a new source of fresh drinking water, so a guy called Hugh Myddleton was commissioned to build ‘The New River’.
This was a narrow canal which followed the contours, and brought clean drinking water from the Hertfordshire countryside into
central London. At the head of the New River (New River Head) a reservoir was built. This site is now occupied by the HQ of
the Water Board. The last few miles of the New River were filled in, but most of it is still visible running from Ware in
Hertfordshire to Stoke Newington.
23. What was you best selling album?
I suppose it was New River head.
24. What was the first LP you bought?
The first Shadows album in 1960, when I was 7.
25. Which groups/artists who are currently recording do you like?
Mary Lou Lord (she says ‘Sun Kill Moon’by
Mark Kozelek), Anton Barbeau, God knows. It all sounds shit to me.
26. What are all your shows at the Royal Standard in Walthamstow and
only once to my knowledge have you played in Leeds?
The
Standard is 5 minutes from where I live, the owner is a mate, and lets us keep nearly all the door money, and unlike the trendier
London venues, he doesn’t chuck everyone out at a stupidly early time, and he doesn’t employ a team of arsehole
bouncers. I’ve only played in Leeds once, because I’ve only ever been offered a viable gig there once.
27. Do you play music most days?
Yes, definitely. I can’t imagine a day without music.
28. Do you think Elvis Costello has recorded anything good since his 2nd album?
Yes. I like ‘Armed Forces’, and I thought ‘Shipbuilding’
was magnificent.
29. Do you write songs all the time, or do you have period when you don't write anything?
I
have periods when I don’t write, but they don’t last long. To me, writing a song is a lovely way to spend an hour
or two.
30. Best Who album Quadrophenia or Who's Next?
Well, my favourite Who album is actually ‘Sell Out’. ‘Tattoo’ and ‘Can’t
Reach You’ are so good. I prefer ‘Who’s Next’ to ‘Quadrophenia’.
31. Desert Island disc time - name the ONE album you would be castaway with.
Beatles ‘Hard Days Night’. For sentimental reasons as much
as anything. But I also think it’s a significant album in that it’s the first one entirely written by the band,
and that was such an eye-opener to an 11 year old budding songwriter.
32. how about 'have you heard from the fred bison 5 lately?' what are they up to? and
chance they'll record again?
Fred’s been keeping a low profile recently, but you know what these old rockers are like.
He may well be tempted out in to the open one day.
33. any chance you'll
do a ~space rock instrumental jam album ala the original Acid Jam or Outskirts of Infinity's Incident at Pilatus? or perhaps
a Motorhead tribute album?...or how about 'Axes Bold as Frond'?
I guess an Acid Jam 3 is possible, but I don’t see a Motorhead album, as I don’t like them very
much. As for a Hendrix tribute, why bother? You couldn’t improve on perfection.
34. besides music what
are his hobbies?
I’ve always been into art, architecture, literature, history, geography, photography. So I
guess those.
35. does he still DJ much?
I’d like to, but at the moment, I can’t
find a gig.
36. tomato or tomatoe?
Tomato, because that’s how it’s spelled.
37. I'd love to hear you jam out on something like "Machine Gun," and I bet you could do a great
"Hey Baby/Land of the New Rising Sun." any chance?
Well, I did cover ‘Who Knows’ on a Hendrix
tribute album in the 80s. I know, why bother? So no, it’s fun to do in private, but I’m so inferior to Hendrix,
that I’d just feel stupid.
38. When Did you go
on Countdown?
It was in 1990 I
think.
39. What on earth possessed you to do it and how did he get to be on it?
I used to go and visit my Aunt
Hilary every week on the way to play 5 a side football in Harrow. She was dying of cancer, and I’d drop in and we’d
play along with Countdown. She always used to say I was really good and I should apply to be on it. Then just by complete
chance, I met Mark Nyman, the show’s producer at QPR one day, and got talking to him, and he suggested I audition for
the show. I told my aunt, and she pleaded with me to go on. I couldn’t refuse my dying aunt’s request, could I?
So I did it, got on the show, and did quite well. Sadly, my aunt died before the show was aired, which really took the shine
off it for me.
40. What were your thoughts at the time and how did you get on?
As above
41. What is Nick Salomon an anagram of?
Slack in mono. But my name’s
Nick Saloman
42. When exactly is the new album due???
September. This is because of the USA label’s schedules.
43. Any change that the Bevis Frond will tour Europe again in the (near) future?
See my answer to Question 4, but at present there
doesn’t seem to be any interest from booking agents and promoters, and though I’d like to come and see everyone
again, I’m not going to tour if it isn’t organized properly.
44. I was told that Nick did 2 radio jingles in 1990, one for Radio PopolareItaly and the other for
Radio Pomona FM, New Jersey 1990. Is this true? Are there any recordings of it?
Yes, that’s true. Ade and
I did them. I’ve probably got them somewhere, but where I don’t know.
45. Your love for music of the 60s and 70s is well known. So the famous desert island question: what
are your favourite 10 post-80s albums.?
I try. I really do, but I just don’t find
very much of what I hear these days very inspiring. Let’s see, I’ll be struggling to find 10. The Wipers ‘Youth
Of America’ definitely. The Damned ‘Machine Gun Etiquette’ (1980, so it just counts), Wellwater Conspiracy ‘Brotherhood Of Electrick’, Guided By Voices ‘Do The Collapse’,
Elliott Smith- the one with ‘Cupid’s Trick’ on it, is that ‘Either Or’? That’s about it.
I haven’t included anything on Woronzow, but I obviously love all that stuff.
46. One of my favourite contemporary artists is Joseph Arthur. Is Nick familiar with his music? What
are your favourite contemporary artists?
I know a songwriter called John Arthur, but it’s almost certainly a different bloke. So no,
can’t say I’ve heard of him.
47. The latest frond albums showed a return to more up-tempo songs (in the vein of "Any Gas Faster"). Many fans (well I
do...) still enjoy/prefer the more psychedelic-tinted rock tracks (The "Long Stuff" release was magnificent).In what direction
will Nick's music develop?
Yes, there’s always a kind of conflict between
the lyrical songs and the longer jamming stuff. I love both, and I’d hope that people who like what I do would be able
to appreciate both as well. I never plan ahead as regards what I write. Whatever comes out is what the next record is. The
new one’s got 2 long tracks on it, so don’t feel left out.
48. My favourite Frond album is "Son Of Walter" (a perfect blend of superb pop songs and blistering
psychedelic rock). What's your favourite Frond album and why?
I tend to like the albums that cover
all aspects, so it’d be New River Head, North Circular and Valedictory Songs. I won’t count the new one, because
I always like my new albums best. It’s not until later that they fit into the greater scheme of things.
49. are there any albums you would like to see reissued, or any overlooked gems you can recommend, and
why?
I presume you mean by other people. Well, tons of stuff has been re-issued.
There’s actually very little that hasn’t. I think Bruce Janaway’s ‘Puritanical Odes’ LP is still
un-CD’d. That should definitely be out. Oh and what about Muddy Water’s fantastic ‘Electric Mud’ album?
Is that available?
50. are
there any musicians currently performing/recording who you would like to collaborate with (a couple of suggestions here if
you don't mind - Paul Roland (who is 'resurrecting' his musical career at present) and Glenn Phillips (who you turned me on
to via the Terrascope way back for which I am ever grateful!)
I’m not a great collaborator.
I’ve tried a few times, and apart from the stuff I’ve done with Mary Lou Lord, I don’t think I’ve
ever been much good. I did actually do some recording with Paul Roland many years ago. Nice guy. I met Glenn Phillips in Atlanta
when we played there, and he was charm personified, but I can’t really imagine how I’d collaborate with him. I
don’t really enjoy ‘having a jam’ that much, not to say that that’s what Glenn would want me to do,
of course. But to answer the question, no, there’s not really anyone I’d like to play with.
51. Assume someone you like has never heard an lp by the Bevis Frond. Which one would you play to them,
(would it be different according to the gender of the listener?).
Hmm. I guess it would be Valedictory
Songs, because it’s recorded well, relatively up to date, covers all areas, and I like the sleeve. The gender of the
listener is totally immaterial.
52. Your house is on fire, the family are safe, which record are you going to try and save? Why?
I’d go straight to the British Beat and UK
psychedelic 45s, and try to get as many out as I could. Particularly The Flies ‘I’m Not Your Stepping Stone’.
I bought that when I was 13, and I love it to bits.
53. Would you ever consider asking your fans which songs from your extensive back catalogue they would
like to see in the live set?
No, because they might choose ones I didn’t want to do, and then I’d find it hard to
say no. Besides they tend to tell me anyway.
54. What criteria determine a songs inclusion in the live set? Similarly, what
criteria dictate a songs eviction from the live set?
It’s almost totally down to whether
or not they’re easy to for everyone to do. You have to consider what instruments are available live as well. I mean
I can’t take my Hammond organ & Leslie out on the road. When we add something we usually ditch something, and I
kind of let the band tell me which ones they’re really sick of.
55. Megamusicworldwiderecording co offer you the chance to put out a compilation of your best work.
You get to choose what songs go onto the single cd. Name those songs.
Well, I guess these would be
songs rather than jams. Maybe we could do one CD of each? Well, the songs would be: Stay At Home Girl, Waving, He’d
Be A Diamond, Dreamboat Sinking, Nursery Rhyme, Looks Like Rain, The Wrong Side,It Won’t Come Again, God Speed
You To Earth, High On A Downer, High In A Flat, Thankless Task, Day One. I’ve probably forgotten a few.
56. If it isn't too nosy, which 3 books have had the most lasting impact on your adult life?
It’s not too nosy, but
I don’t think I can give you a proper answer. I love reading and I love books, but I don’t think that there are
any that have changed my life significantly. My life has certainly been enriched by literature, but I don’t think that’s
what you’re asking. But to name 3 books I really like: Well, I always go back to the collected ghost stories of M.R.James.
I really like Three Men In A Boat by Jerome K. Jerome (who actually went to the same school that I went to, some years earlier
I hasten to add), and recently I was very impressed by Jake Arnott’s The Long Firm.
57. What happened to Past And Present reissuing the Bevis Frond albums? They did the first two
but not Triptych
That’s easy. Past & Present went out of business and passed their
catalogue on to Alchemy who said they’d continue re-issuing the Frond albums, but haven’t done so yet. So it’s
kind of out of my hands. I have to say, it’s looking less and less likely that they’ll ever do it.
58. Did you ever record a studio version of 'Do Me Down'?
No. I’m not sure why, but
we never did one.
59. Another song often played at early gigs had lyrics something like:-
Well I came down from this mountain and
I see you all below and I wonder what
I want you for When I get you out of
this hole What was the title of this track, and again
is there a studio version?
I think that was enigmatically titled ACD, because
the chords were, you guessed it.. No, we never recorded it.
60. Is there one gig that stands out as being the best Bevis
Frond
gig?
Probably our first gig in San Francisco at The Great American Music Hall. I’ve
always been such a fan of the San Francisco thing, it made it a bit special to actually find myself playing there. And it
was a great gig. And I met Country Joe, and I met Randy Hammon of The Savage Resurrection. And Tom Rapp was there. What more
could a star struck boy from North London want?
61. what is the best gig you ever saw?
I’ve seen a lot of great gigs.
Perhaps Blossom Toes at The Marquee in 69? Or Vanilla Fudge there in 69 too. Love with Blodwyn Pig at Imperial College was
good. Johnny Winter at the Roundhouse., and Cactus at The Lyceum. Pretty Things in Hyde Park in 1968, Patto at The Torrington
1971. One of the really great gigs was at The Roundhouse with Argent topping the bill supported by Elton John and David Bowie!
I could go on.
62. Would you agree that the rhyme:-
I
can't believe that you've forgotten All
the bands you were so hot on 'Remember
Me' is the worst you ever written?
No, but you obviously do. It’s reassuring to know there’s
someone out there keeping track of my worst lines. I must add that this is the kind of smart arse question that really annoys
me. I don’t put myself on a pedestal, and I have no airs and graces. I just write songs and put out records, hopefully
for people to enjoy. I also try to be friendly and treat people with due respect and politeness. Now if I was asking someone
whose music I liked a question ( and I presume the questioner likes my music, or why else would he/she be on the Frond site?),
I would try to ask something interesting, but also respectful to the artist. If all I could come up with was ‘why did
you write a line that I think is shit?’ I wouldn’t dream of asking it, because it’s rude, disrespectful
and ultimately it just makes the questioner look unpleasant. I guess I’ll never fathom what makes some people tick.
63. When did you last see Stuart Goddard/Adam Ant? and did he remember you?
I saw him several times last
Summer. And, yes, he did remember me. He’s a really good friend from years ago, who’s having a seriously hard
time at the moment. And though our lives drifted apart when he became famous, and I have to admit to being a bit hurt and
surprised by that, I’ll always consider him as a mate. It was great to see him again. He’s fighting his demons,
and I really don’t know if he’s going to win, but he’s still funny and kind, and, even better, still digging
Rory Gallagher!
65. Do you still get 'the pips' if so what is bugging you at the moment?
Yup. I’m pretty susceptible to
moods. I do find myself getting sucked into troughs of misery from time to time,
but fortunately I’ve got great family & friends, who sort me out quickly if I’m getting too stupid.
64. what is your favourite bootleg?
I don’t like bootlegs much, but
I guess it would be that really early Hendrix one with the B&W sleeve, with radio sessions and stuff on it.
65. Who would you like to still interview for the Ptolemaic Terrascope?
I guess it’s more down
to Phil than me. My role is more or less zero with the PT these days. There’s loads of people I’d like to see
in there. Ray Davies, Dave Davies, Pete Townshend, Clear Light, Mad River, the list goes on.
66. Who would you like to see play at the next Terrastock, (always assuming there will be another one).
There’s usually a vast
gap between who you’d like to see playing, and who you can actually get. REM would be good.
67. Do you have any veto over who does play at Terrastock?
Yes, I suppose we do, but I don’t
think we’ve ever turned anyone away after booking them. We’ve had to say no to bands because of time constraints,
but that’s not the same thing.
68. Which gig, or artist/group do you most wish you could have attended?
I would have really liked to
have been a couple of years older, so I could have seen Hendrix at The Marquee, The Floyd at Middle Earth etc. And I would
have loved to have seen some Fillmore shows. But I can’t complain. I saw more than most.
69. The most disappointing live performance you have ever seen?
Miles Davis at The IOW festival.
I thought he was going to be amazing, and as I recall it, it was one hour of very dull free form noodling. Also Redbone at
The Albert Hall. They were shit. I left and went home and watched football on TV. Having said that I can’t imagine why
I thought they were going to be good in the first place. Oh the folly of youth.70. Any thoughts on the European referendum issue? Ok i know this last one is nothing to do with music,
but that never stopped Dylan did it.
Do you really want me to get on to politics? I think certain aspects of Europe are great, but I can’t for the life me figure why anyone tolerates
the petty, stupid rules they come up with in Brussels. It’s daft things like some beaurocrat saying that we can’t
have a kidney in our chops that makes people hate the prospect of a Federal Europe. Take the good points, and ignore the rubbish,
that’s my solution.
71. as
an avid collector of ferns as well as Frond music, I assume the band is named after Polystichum Setiferum 'Bevis' (one of
the most beautiful ferns BTW - I would encourage anyone with a garden to get one!)and i would be interested in knowing why?
Is nick a pterophile (I think that's the correct term for a fern lover!).
Sorry to disappoint you, but
the name was thought up by an old mate, and I had no idea it was a fern until relatively recently.
72. Following on from the recent 'John Lennon Jukebox' release I know at least one other group has put
together a similar compilation of influences for their subject (Syd Barrett),if Nick was to have such a jukebox (or compilation
of influences)what would the music be - say 20 items?
Blimey: Okay:
THE SHADOWS: Man Of Mystery, JOHNNY KIDD & THE PIRATES: Then I Got Everything
JOHNNY DUNCAN & THE BLUE GRASS BOYS: More & More KINKS: You Really Got Me, Waterloo Sunset BEATLES: Please Please Me, I’ll Be Back, Strawberry Fields, ELECTRIC PRUNES: Too Much To Dream PRETTY
THINGS: Talking About The Good Times FLIES: Stepping Stone COUNTRY JOE: Bass Strings MAD RIVER: Merciful Monks DAVID ACKLES:
Candy Man, Waiting For The Moving Van PATTO: Give It All Away BEACH BOYS: God Only Knows WIPERS: Youth Of America BYRDS: Dolphins
Smile SANDY DENNY: The Lady GUIDED BY VOICES: Surgical Focus
73. Julian Temple, a schoolmate of yours suggested "The Bevis Frond" (off the top of his head, apparently)
as a band name when you told him you were planning to call your band "The Museum." I'd never considered that Julian might
be referencing an actual "type" of frond. What a lovely tidbit that would be. If you dont know if that was indeed Julian's
inspiration, we may have to track down Mr. Temple himself and ask him.
Well, I haven’t seen or
heard from Julien for years, but he was incredibly clever, so if he said it, he almost certainly meant it.
74. If it's not too late I've something else to ask Nick.What O and A levels did he get. Did he
go to university, if so what did he study and where.
I went to Marylebone Grammar School.
I got O levels in English Literature, English Language, Use Of English, French, Geography & Music. I failed Maths (on
purpose to prove I didn’t like it, that showed them!), History ( I went
to see Vanilla Fudge at The Marquee the night before instead of revising) & Latin (I was useless). I got thrown out of
Art for calling Mr. Leatham a ‘fucking queer’. He was trying to pull down my trousers and spank my bare arse at
the time! I got Geography A level, and didn’t turn up for French or English. I
suppose I was a bit of a low key rebel, long haired and mouthy. My results weren’t good enough for University, so I
got a flat with my girlfiend of the time and got a job in an advertising agency. 2 years later, divorced (I married her and
it didn’t work) and out of a job, I went to Teachers Training College in Weymouth where the plan was to get off with
as many girls as possible. They outnumbered guys 6 to 1. Heaven. I saw this really pretty girl on the first day and thought
‘I’ll start with her’. Thirty one years later, we’re still together! Oh and I got my Certificate Of
Education, but never taught. But as my Dad would have said, it’s good to have something to fall back on.(a waterbed?).
Parents, eh?
