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How to play the blues,
Bevis frond style!
It should, at this point, be pointed out that this is only the second time in the whole of the
Bevis Fronds history that a show has had to be cancelled!
It was totally out of the band’s hands and I believe, absolutely the right decision, in fact,
the only decision they could have made. Nick and Ade especially are gutted by
the cancellation. It is not so much the loss of revenue from the venue and the “merch” stall etc that frustrates
them, rather it is letting the fans down that causes the entire band to descend into a slight gloom.
Sure the money situation is going to hurt and hurt big time! The band after all run on a shoe string
budget when on tour; (“Econo-vans“ being a case in point), and now they were faced with the loss of a whole nights
pay, Oslo turns out to be probably the most expensive city in the world, and is going to put a dent in the financial
viability of the tour.
Tours have to make money or they are not worth doing. Nick and Ade have, for years, done almost
everything themselves, thus cutting costs and making a tour more attractive to them. But when something like Bergen happens
to them and you are in there amongst it like I was, then it really opens your eyes up as to how difficult these things are
at times.
As I said, Oslo turned out to be the most expensive city any of us have ever been to, We booked
into the hotel and have two rooms, a double for Nick and Ade and a triple for Paul, Jules and myself.
Originally we were given separate rooms, but as this day was not planned for, Nick and Ade had
to pay for the extra night out of their own pocket, we were to receive single rooms the following night, but, because the
cost was so prohibitive we all muck in and share rooms to cut the expenses.
It was wash day for my clothes and I spent half an hour washing all my clothes in some travel wash
stuff I picked up in the UK. Both Paul and Jules decided it was a good idea and so you have the picture of two rock musicians
and their roadie washing socks and pants etc and hanging them up in every available corner. The trouble was that Oslo is so
damn cold that nothing really dries and so the next day when I got my own room which was facing into the pale sun and I erected
a huge screen of dripping clothes, I was relieved to find it was effective and they were all finally dry by the time we left
Oslo.
We wandered into town and spent a pleasant afternoon checking out the shops, which were not greatly
different to those in other countries through which we’d passed: The biggest difference here was the language.
I wandered into a guitar shop with Paul who quietly tried out a couple of guitars, the looks he
generates while playing were ones of impressed amazement, he remained blissfully unaware of the onlookers while they seemed
entranced by his playing. When he finished, everyone looked away again, he put the guitar down and walked out, oblivious to
the stares. It was a nice moment.
We all wandered around what looked like an old yard or something that sold an amazing assortment
of old furniture, records, books, TV’s, spinning wheels (yes you read that right!) and sundry other items. It was getting
towards 6pm and we decided to go and eat, we end up at Burger King of all places!
Having filled our bellies we walked back up the high street looking for a bar or something to buy
a drink in, there were several possibilities and they all looked inviting, but we were now looking at everything through opened
eyes, these places looked. - frighteningly expensive now!
We eventually decided on “The Muddy Waters Blues Club” both Jules and Paul had expressed
an interest in it so we all decided to go in and give it a try.
The interior is slightly reminiscent of a traditional American diner, is quite well lit and we
wander halfway down the club to a table near the bar, in front of us is a small, and I do mean small, stage and, upon that
stage, a trio of musicians comprising bass, drums and lead guitar make up the house-band and they are playing the blues…sort
of! We sit down at our table and Paul and I decide to buy a round of drinks for everyone in our party, a costly mistake, as
a round of drinks consisting of Water for Jules, beer for Nick and Ade and two cokes for Paul and myself comes to almost 40
euros! Paul has given me some money and I make up the rest, at which point I realise I have been completely drained of all
my money on one round of drinks! Oslo prices are outrageous! We all sit cradling our one drink of the night and turn our attention
to the house-band. They are certainly giving it all they’ve got but, to be honest the sound they are producing is awful.
We watch as the singer/guitarist tortures his guitar in the name of the blues and the sound is truly painful!
The Frond are still feeling down about cancelling Bergen and the subject crops up time and again
in conversation, but I can see Nicks eyes staring in the direction of the stage and wincing at the strange sounds coming from
the speakers when suddenly an idea occurs to me.
I ask the band how they would feel about getting up for a jam themselves; this is after all a blues
club where such things are purported to happen on a regular basis. They are all
very up for it but are reluctant to make the first move as this could come across as being arrogant.
So I walk over to the soundman, who speaks perfect English (as do almost all Norwegians!) and tell
him who the band are and that they can give the club a taste of “British blues” for free if he wanted, the band
just wanted to play! He was very excited and introduced me to the boss of the club who said he would be pleased to have the
Bevis Frond on his stage. He walked over with me to our table and clicked his fingers, our eyes all lit up at the drinks that
magically appeared before us! He chats to the band for a while and then introduces me to the house-band who are taking a break,
although they agree that the Bevis Frond can use their instruments, they insist on first finishing their second set. I explain
that we only want to play one or two numbers but they are adamant, the Frond
should not go on until they’d finished.
All is agreed and I decide to rush back to the hotel to grab my video and a minidisk in order to
capture the soundboard recording for posterity, as it turned out, it was one of the best decisions I have made since the gig
was unique!
The house-band comes back on for their second set and maybe because they felt they were about to
be shown up or whatever the reason, their second set was twice as manic as their first, with the lead guitarist giving it
all he had and hitting the right notes perhaps 50% of the time, if you get the picture. At no time during their second set
do the house-band announce to the 30 onlookers or so in the club that a guest band will be coming on after and so, when they
finally finish their set and the Bevis frond take to the stage it is to an audience of perhaps 10! This was a real shame because
Nick, Ade and Jules (there was only room for three at a time) really demonstrated how to play the blues properly. It was an
improvisational jam and when the first jam was over the 10 or so people in the club were really appreciative. Nick handed
his guitar to Paul and Paul played a “red house” type of blues instrumental, and then handed back to Nick who
played “Medieval siennese acid blues” and then another blues number. It lasted all of about 25 minutes and was
truly wonderful to behold, but…
As the band made their way back through the club to the cheers and claps of the few remaining customers,
the house-band turned their backs on us and ignored us! Not only was it very childish of them to act in such a way but it
was also exceedingly rude! Nick, Paul, Ade and Jules went to shake their hands and thank them but they just carried on their
conversations, Well… “Fuck them” we all said! The band had enjoyed themselves, the customers had enjoyed
themselves and as we left, the bar staff called me over to thank us, the house-band were simply unprofessional and to put
it more bluntly, complete wankers!
Back at the hotel we drink beer supplied by the previous venue and watch the video I took of the
blues gig, you can see the band have all enjoyed themselves and what had started as a bad day finishes on a high note.
Just before we go to bed, Paul comes out with
a “classic” joke,
“What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a Tesco’s shopping bag?”
he asks, we can almost feel the punch line coming but give up,
“One is made of plastic and should be kept out of reach of small children, the other carries your shopping!” Needless to say we are in stitches! Goodnight…
14/03/02
Oslo,
Norway.
A short cultural interlude
Up at 7:00am for me, I have agreed to go and fill up the parking meter for the van, because the
meter starts at 8:00am and that time does not exist for everyone else! I take a bag full of change to put into the meter and
it turns out to cost around 15 euros for three hours!
Later, when I get back to my room the phone is ringing, it’s Ade,
“I hear a trip to the national Art gallery is being planned, Can we come?”, I agree
to allow them to accompany us so long as they both promise to be good! I shall delete what he said to me next…
We all went out to the national gallery which was really close to the hotel, and spent a happy
two hours or so looking at some truly fascinating paintings, though we attracted any number of bemused glances!
Picture the scene in a National Art Gallery, amongst masterpieces from an incredible array of world
renowned artists; Curators wander around giving advice on this or that masterpiece, scholars, lecturers and patrons of the
arts in their smart business like suits studying the works of Van Gogh, Monet and of course “the scream” by Edvard
Munch, and, in the midst of all this wander five scruffs in jeans, t-shirts, boots and very long hair. I expect at least some
comments, but no one bats an eyelid! It is a refreshing change from the wannabe upper-class types on the ferry. We are left
alone to wander and study as we please.
Nick and Ade are fonts of knowledge with regard to several artists and it just goes to further
prove the old adage “you should never judge a book by its cover”.
From what I saw and admittedly it was only two days, the Norwegians seem to be fairly non judgemental,
so much so, I was amazed to find, that I could walk right up to and even touch (had I dared!) any of the paintings on display,
including masterpieces by the aforementioned artists! It was as if they were saying, “Here, have a good look! It’s
a painting and supposed to be looked at and appreciated!” as if they weren’t so valuable after all. I liked that
a lot!
Sadly, people abuse this “open house” attitude at times and Edvard Munch’s painting
“The Scream” was stolen a couple of years ago, and had only been returned fairly recently having been slightly
damaged, which is a real shame.
“So what is the name
of the club?”
One problem we have been experiencing is keeping in contact with the outside world. My mobile has
been a life saver in the past and I was really glad I had brought it with me, although in Denmark, Norway and Sweden I could
pick up no signal at all most times, but occasionally it would suddenly burst into life!
At 4.45pm we go to the lobby, and begin to load up the van for tonight’s gig, at a club called “So
What”, which is all of 300 metres down the road, but still far enough that carrying the equipment from the hotel to
the gig is not an option, especially with “Bastard on board!” So we load up, Ade drives down and we all walk to
the venue
“So What” is the butt of some silly jokes about the name of the club such as,
“So what’s this club called?”
“So What?”
“Because I’d like to know!”
“So what is its name”
“I have no idea, that’s why I’m asking you!” etc, etc…
In essence “So What” is a large pub on two levels, the venue hall being downstairs.
We carry all the equipment down with the help of a couple of guys from the venue, the band set up at one end
of this fairly large basement and I am at the other end. The sound-desk is in the way and so I decide not to video this gig
as I will not get a good view. I do, of course, record it on my minidisk.
I set up “Honest Al’s emporium” and began to feel hungry; I wondered where we
are going to eat tonight.
We had spied a Norwegian pizzeria earlier and managed
to find our way back to it. We sat down and looked at the menu, the prices were in Krona, the Norwegian currency, and, if
you are a foreigner you don’t immediately appreciate what something really costs.
But eventually we worked it out and I think the sound of our jaws dropping open was louder than
the restaurants stereo (playing Christmas songs again, bizarrely!) To give you an idea of how expensive Oslo is, buy a pizza
and a Coke as I did. One medium pizza and coke total price converts to 25 euros! (about 25 dollars or around 18 GBP) Still,
I had to eat, as did the others, and so eat we did! Appreciating every single mouthful like we never had before!
I leave “Rip-Off Pizzas” early as I have to get back to the stall before the venue
opens properly and on the way back, I phone Valerie in Germany to make sure everything is okay with her. She is coping well
with the loss of her Mother but it is still very raw for her. She confirms that she will meet us all in Berlin and will bring
Ade’s medication which has arrived safely in Heidelberg, problem solved.
The gig is a good one with around 100 people in attendance and I take the most money so far on
this tour. All is going swimmingly and, during “Downtime” the band slip into an old “Ten years After”
number called I believe “Goin’ home”. The crowd are very appreciative and roar out their approval. It is
a great gig and the problems of yesterday are washed away in the fun of this gig. After the show, Paul and Jules decide to
head for another bar, while Ade, Nick and I make for the hotel and after sorting out the cash from the stall I head off for
bed. It is another long drive tomorrow back down to Copenhagen. We are driving instead of sailing partly due to time constraints
and also I guess it will be cheaper, but it is a 7hour journey nonetheless. I sleep soundly, surrounded by a wall of washing
that is still drying in the heat of the radiators!
15/03/02
Oslo to Copenhagen, Denmark
We are all up early, despite some of us having spent most of the early hours in some bar or other!
Anyway, after a relatively early breakfast we load up the van and depart Oslo by 9:40am, however time is tight; sound-check
in Loppen, (which is in Christiana, a part of Copenhagen) is to be finished by 6:30pm so we have to get moving!
We race out of Oslo and hit the motorway, houses and factories fly past and we are soon out in
to countryside. Snow is still around and it is pretty cold, but it is a psychologically warming thought that we are now headed
south! As the miles race by I think about tonight’s gig in Loppen and the fact that I will be meeting a couple of people
who are members of the Internet Community. One of them is Ulrik.
A personal feeling of impending
doom!
I am beginning to regret my actions of a few months ago when the community decided to issue a tribute CD dedicated
to Nick and his music, I somehow agreed to do a track myself and sent off my version of one of Nicks great tunes. The idea
was that Ulrik or someone would add guitars to my track to round out the sound, but just before the tour Ulrik e-mailed me
to say that it would be left as I had recorded it! Even worse, he intends to present the CD to Nick at Loppen as a birthday
present from the community. Moreover, I had, back in England, told Ade about my “contribution” and just knew,
with a sense of gloomy resignation, that he was sure to have mentioned it to Nick.
I have this sinking feeling that I am about to become the target for a lot of ridicule, all of it good-natured
to be sure, but not something I am looking forward to particularly… Oh well, we shall see!
We stop at a petrol station to refuel; Ade fills up, Nick, Paul and I buy rolls, Jules…yes,
you guessed, more chocolate! Ade has taped up the wing mirror for the hundredth time and it is Nicks turn to drive, but Paul
is a long time buying his roll and Nick is getting a little annoyed with the delay. Paul eventually arrives with his crusty
roll, climbs in and we set off. Nick lifts the clutch rather too quickly and The van kangaroos for a second or two before
Nick controls its waywardness and sets off down the motorway again. What he didn’t see was that Paul was about to eat
his roll just as the van hopped forward a few times; this resulted in Paul mashing his crusty roll into his eye! He managed
to close his eye in time but he looked at me, laughing, with food plastered all around his eye; it was quite comical!
Forgetfulness and vomit
In van entertainment during the tour consisted of Walkmans, magazines, quizzes and Paul modelling
various ways of wearing cheese rolls! I begin to run a music quiz, reading from a book I picked up in the UK, Nick and Ade
both prove to be frighteningly good at it!
I found it interesting to see what people were listening to on their Walkmans; Jules is quite clearly
into Jazz which in turn is of interest to Paul and they do a lot of swapping of discs. As we fly down the motorway to Copenhagen
during Ade’s stint as driver, Nick borrows Paul’s CD player and listens to his CD called “Shut It!”
the music from “The Sweeney!” - British television series from the 70’s - It is a theme tune that you cannot
help but hum along to and the whole CD is pretty cool actually. (In fact, later on in Italy, Paul manages to persuade the
soundman at one of the venues to play this to the crowd while they were waiting for the band, it was funny to see the puzzled
looks on peoples faces!
We roar through Sweden and I have to sadly admit that I was asleep through most of it. Though Ade
does at one point, nudge me and indicate a road sign for a company that specialises in gravel, rocks, aggregate etc, they
are called The Swedish Rock Group!
We take a small ferry across to Denmark and everyone goes up to the canteen to eat, I go to the
buffet and pile up a plate full of potato salad, pasta and other items, we sit and chat and then I wander off to look in the
shop. About fifteen minutes later Ade wanders over to me and nonchalantly enquires,
“Hey Al, did you pay for your meal?” I look blankly at him for a second and then my
face drops, I am horrified as I won’t have time to explain to the staff if there is a problem, Ade does not help matters
by then telling me they will probably throw me in the brig until they can sort the matter out!
“Fuck!” I mutter to myself as I run back upstairs to see the waiter looking around
angrily, he sees me burst into the canteen and his eyes narrow,
“Fuck!” I think to myself as visions of irate police and other authorities question
me intently, but believing honesty is the best policy I walk straight up to him and apologise, saying I was really tired and
just forgot to pay and that I never intended to not pay! He smiles at me and says,
“Oh I never even noticed you had had anything to eat! I was just wondering who had been sick
in the corner over there!!”
I pay for my meal and go back down to the van, climb aboard and say nothing, I am so stupid like
that sometimes, I panic over really silly things at times and they had never even bloody noticed I’d eaten there…
Fuck!!!!
Hippy heaven and beautiful
bouncing breasts!
We arrive in Denmark and race off towards Copenhagen, it is already 4:45pm and time is disappearing
fast! Eventually we arrive in this beautiful city and we drive straight to the venue, Ade and Nick driving and guiding unerringly
through the city to the area known as Christiana.
Christiana is a hippy haven, an experimental area of land where no authority is allowed, in other
words, no police and so we drive through a thriving market where the main wares are a huge assortment of drugs which is of
course of absolutely no interest to us! The road through Christiana is really bad, riddled with huge potholes! We are thrown
about violently and have to hold down some of the guitar cases to avoid them getting damaged.
We arrive at the venue, yet another barn/warehouse that has been converted, the venue itself is
upstairs this time and there is an outside electric hoist to lift the equipment, Whilst unloading, I meet Jonas and his girlfriend
from the Internet community.
We all go into the venue and I set up my stall, this time I am to the right of the stage with plenty of room
but yet another crappy view, still I am here to sell not watch! People are milling around the stall and so I have to stay
and keep an eye on it before the gig gets underway. Ulrik turns up and we all chat for a while. Plans to go out for a drink
with them have to be shelved purely because I can’t really leave all the merchandise unattended, I have no doubt that
if I had wandered off, a fair number of CD’s would also have gone for a walk!
Ulrik has found his way downstairs to the band-room and presented the tribute CD to Nick, Nick
is genuinely touched. Ulrik also gives me my copy and explains that another member of the community, Keith Hill had put some
guitars over it, something I am very relieved to hear.
The venue inside is okay and they have what looks like a decent sound-board and PA system but unfortunately,
they seem to want to protect it too much and the sound they give the Bevis Frond is very much on the quiet side! My suspicion
is that they are recording the gig, and when I ask about this, they deny deliberately keeping the sound down but do, at the
end of the gig, give me a three track burn of part of the gig, so I think my suspicions were right! I have never seen the
soundboard however, despite promises of sending a copy as soon as possible. There is no support tonight as has been the case
up to this point on the tour, and the Frond go on with a crowd of around 50 people milling around. The band play well but
the crowd is flat and it is my guess that they are mostly too stoned to respond loudly. However it was Nick who probably had
the hardest time of all the band on stage ,because a beautiful blonde, blue eyed goddess with a very low cut dress moves to
directly in front of Nick and dances slowly and very sexily throughout the gig. Quite how he managed to keep going is anyone’s
guess because her breasts were gorgeous, absolutely huge! barely restrained by her dress, and bouncing very provocatively
indeed, she was absolutely gorgeous! There could be no doubt as to whether she was doing this deliberately or not and unsurprisingly
I could see the others in the band from time to time shuffle over next to Nick in order to get a better view! Naturally because
there were only around 50 people at the venue I also was able to wander over officially to watch the band but also to be honest
to watch the girl! At the end of the gig we pack everything up, load the van, are given another crate of drink for our private
consumption and we all climb aboard for the journey back to the hotel. Before any of you start putting two and two together
and coming up with five… NO, The girl did not come back with us, her boyfriend was there as well and she was all over
him like a rash at the end. She had just been teasing, but I don’t think anyone in the band minded too much!
The Hotel Jorgensen is good, situated in the middle of Copenhagen and with
decent facilities. I am sharing a two bedded room with Paul tonight and after the private party in Nicks room, we sit watching
MTV for a while, it has an interview with Paul McCartney and is quite interesting. It is 3.00am and we just chill out, relax,
chat and read some music magazines I have brought with me…
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